So let me just start out by saying, I’m big on planning.
If you haven’t already gotten that from previous posts, I like being organized. I was like this my whole life. Growing up, I even had my life planned out. Here is what I thought my life would be like:
- Go to college
- Graduate & move in with high school sweatheart
- Get a great job in the fashion industry in NYC
- Work my way up the corporate ladder & make a fantastic salary
- Marry said high school sweatheart by 28
- Buy a house at 29
- Start having kids at 30
Well, let me just tell you- only one of those things actually happened on that list!! I went to college. I would say up until my 20’s, everything just kind of worked out for me. I made a plan, I executed the plan & I got results. I wanted to go to college for fashion. I researched schools, applied & got in. I even worked my ass off & graduated college in 3 years instead of 4. And here I was just checking things off my list, thinking “holy shit, this thing called life is so easy.”
Well, I talked a little bit about one of my favorite quotes yesterday on Instagram:
”The comeback is always stronger than the setback.”
Up until that point in my life, I never truly understood the powerful meaning behind this quote.
I never had any struggles, I never had any setbacks. I knew what I wanted, I worked really hard to get it & I eventually achieved my goal. School came easy to me, I always was the girl with the boyfriend, had an amazing support system that included family & friends, what more could a girl want?
Well, the rug was pulled out from under me in November of 2013. This perfect life I envisioned, this check list I had, just all went to hell in a hand basket. I’m not one who is big on change & I don’t do well with unexpected curveballs. So you can imagine, I felt like my world was over when I found out my boyfriend had been sleeping with one of my best friends from college. Not only was my relationship just suddenly taken away from me, but a friendship that I thought was real had also just blown up in my face.
My plan for my future was all of the sudden blank. There was no Plan B.
I had never had something “tragic” happen to me before so I was literally lost. I know there are way more tragic situations that people have gone through in life & you’re probably saying that I’m ridiculous for being this dramatic over a break-up. But I can only speak on my experiences & to me this is the most devastating thing that has happened to me so far in life. I don’t know how in God’s name I did this, but I let myself wallow in self-pity for only 2 days. I cried for two days straight & then I made myself get back into my normal routine. My grief & feelings of betrayal turned to anger, my anger then turned to loneliness.
That is when something just clicked in me.
I gave up on the planning & just decided to have fun and live my life. I decided that I was just going to say yes to any opportunity that came my way. I travelled with my girlfriends & chose to be happy. Also, it didn’t hurt that I lost 20 pounds from being depressed & not eating, so I wanted to flaunt my new body on the beaches of Miami!!!
My whole personality changed as well. My friends truly saw a difference in me- I was more lighthearted, more fun to be around. I really wanted “my comeback” so to speak to be strong. Part of that was getting rid of anything that reminded me of my asshole boyfriend- which is pretty much EVERYTHING since we had been dating for 11 years. I got my shit together financially- bought myself a new car, moved out into a place of my own (something I never thought I would do). The sense of independence I gained from this horrible experience was huge. I could support myself, make my own desicions & never have to rely on anyone for my happiness. The amount of confidence I gained because of this whole experience was a incredible.
When I decided to stop trying to plan every minute of my life & just enjoy it- that’s when everything changed for me.
I actually met my current boyfriend 6 months after this whole debacle. I felt like a new person. It’s so true- one doors closes in order for something even better to come into your life. If I hadn’t went through hell with that horrible break-up, I would have never met the kind, caring & hysterical man I’m with today.
Do I still plan for my future? Yes. But in a more practical way. I’m not giving anything a timeline. Do I want to buy a house, get married & have a baby? Yes. But it will happen when it’s supposed to happen & not a minute sooner. I’m just living my life day by day & becoming open to any experience that gets thrown my way. I turned my setback into the greatest comeback & I still feel like I’m just getting started. This year I am dedicating to not only re-vamping my diet & exercise, but to also focus on my professional goals. Stay tuned- the comeback has only just begun!!